some better days

bruises,wounds,cuts..all the things that i have to endure as ive started a new hobby that i've been meaning to for the last few years.So far im getting the hang of balancing my body on the deck,still learning the basic trick which i cant really get a hang to it.its pretty tiring but kills the time,plus the kids who skate back then started skating again now.Basically this is my daily routine.hahaha.i feel like i'm 15 again.the last time i skate was back when i was in form 2.btw it really hurts when i take a shower.

Insignificant

Last time everything seemed so different
Everything seemed so carefree as if there existed no problem
Things were much simpler back then.
I never tought things end up this way.
Its a lot different these days
It seems that I'm the only one making the effort
I felt as if ive pushed my effort too much
What ever happened?
Why do i find myself in this kind of situation?
Sometimes i feel like disappearing
or just fade away without a trace

Next in line!

Misery signals live in Malaysia!29th march 2009..RM40 presale rm 50 door tickets.Get your presales from me.Finally one of the bands that influenced me to be in the hardcore scene is performing here! I am so excited!

Parkway drive live in Malaysia

This has been one of the best hardcore event that i attended.A lot of people attended the show until the tickets has to be limited to only 700-800 people.Ijam from restraint was the mc for the show.The show kicked off at 2pm with Dead Eyes Glow for the opening band.The next band was up was black territory they put on a good show.The next band after that was Kids On The Move.Good set,good sound and awesome showmanships! They did the usual cover of Have heart's armed with a mind.Apparently they have a new member on bass which Syahmi from SB.The hall was packed with a lot of people and it was getting hot.The next band performing was Incarnation and after that was Asthalin.Deadscore was pretty amazing,even did a cover of xAFBx's trust and believe as usual.Cassandra was pretty awesome.they played new numbers.very technical.I was with Adam from summerstorm arts when Cassandra performed.Later on was Dashown.The final set was Parkway Drive.It was too much of a heat to watch them all through the way so the crowd take turns to see their performances.They did a lot of numbers from the old album killing with a smile until horizons.Boneyard was one of them.Pretty amazing band with killer showmanships.Australian hardcore never fails to deliver.The vocalist Winston even made the crowd mosh.haha he gave the compliment of saying that this is by far the hottest show but the best they played in their SEA tour.f**kin awesome.I even had the chance to talk to one of the guys from resist records.We were talking about loads of australian hc bands like IKTPQ,50 lions,deez nuts and confessions.Apparently he was JJ's roommate.All and all this has been one of the best show ive been to.Ceasefire organized a good and organized event.The show finished off early about 8.30 or 9pm.

waiting for dissapointment

I've been waiting for a long time.anticipating the day that ptptn would bank in the money for this semester.One morning,a class was cancelled so we went to some restaurant nearby my place in S.alam for breakfast.Later on a friend informed me that the money has already been banked in.I was like wtf!! im so happy.So there i was, starting my car engine and drove off straight away to Esso nearby my place, went to the atm machine, inserted my bank card,key-ed in the pin number and there you go....RM 300.44....i was like........"What the Faaaaaaaaaaark"..i tought its supposed to be 3000++..I told my friends about it,they went to check it straight away..Arab's was lucky..he got 1000+..cwoo got 500+ but bilal on the other hand..hahahha rm 12.00.hahahhah what the hell.so unlucky of him.

I was really pissed off.so i decided to go to bank islam with Mira.I checked the bank statement.my fees costs me 3200 this sem but unisel took 3700 from my account.fuck it!..Mira was unlucky she didnt get her ptptn money.The beacon of hope for students to be happy had crumbled into pieces.hahaha.unisel is really fucked up place when it comes to money.herrm i was dissapointed that day.Goodbye to buying new macbeth shoes, new hoodies, new everything.i have to pay my debts to my mother too.fuckk it!.but to hell with it.im still going to get my new deck soon.btw i checked my bank statement and yes they have deducted the outstanding balance.

Frisky business

This is one of my favourite number from a hc punk band called daggermouth.This song is dedicated to you mother.I am sorry for all the pain and arguments i have caused you.I've been meaning to say sorry to you but i didnt have the courage to.

I feel like I need to apologise
For all the pain I've caused you guys
I never even tried to make it right
It seems that all we do is fight
Maybe one day this will change, a family again

I was responsible
For your breakdown and all the hospital calls
It's so hard seeing someone that you love
Fall apart before your eyes when you can't help them get back up

So I'm passing this along
To tell you I'm sorry
For everything I've done
Maybe some day I might be able to tell you this
Without having to hide it in the lyrics of a song

I held you in my arms as you cried
Then you looked at me and said Nick I want to die
Well these arn't the words a son's supposed to hear
From his own mother because deep down she thinks I never cared

You were always there for me I know
And I believe you when you say it's hard to let go
Hard to let go of me
Watching me self destruct with such ease
Depression is the cause this sick disease is killing me
Disease is killing me

So let's let by gones be
And no matter what happens I know you'll love me
And that's all I need
So I'm passing this along
To tell you I'm sorry for everything I've done
Maybe some day I might be able to tell you this
Without having to hide it in the lyrics of a song

family gathering to a family feud

Last night i went to my aunt's place in semenyih for a family gathering due to my cousin's wedding.hermm it was rather distressing as i couldnt find my way to their place.I was with my mom.we got lost for a few times.it was rather depressing for me.i couldnt help it anymore with using profanities.It made me feel like i'm in a deep rage.i know its not neccessary but i just couldnt help it anymore plus i dont even have a day's sleep.Mother weren't really helping with the directions apart from one time instead she nagged at the situation plus my uncle gave us a wrong direction and the place was dark which made me even more depressed.When we arrived i said i didnt want to go out and my mother really did gave me a good smack on the face.Wow! i just couldnt take it anymore, mother got out of the car.I slammed the door and stayed outside besides the car for a while to calm me. I then finally had the courage to go inside but i was disheartened by the look of some uncles when i was greeting them. I went inside and headed straight to the back door of the house, opened the window and calmed myself down.I turned on the tap to wash my face.I couldnt hold the rage back anymore so i broke down in tears.Again i know it doesnt make sense for me to be rage for such stupid reason.The tense and the negative feeling was too much when i was driving.Man, i haven't felt like that or shed in tears for a few years now. That made me feel like i am 15 again.i remember the days when i was a confused teenager angry at my parents.haha how dumb was i.Later on my cousin who just got married that morning came up to me and calmed down.I realised something then, despite of what people been saying about her she is a really nice person. I was calmed down but felt embarrased with other people.So we catched up on old times because its been ages since i saw some of my cousins.When i went back everything was a lot better until i took on a different direction again which made my mother nagged on and on which made me feel stressful again.I didnt mean to react back or answer back but i just couldnt take it anymore.She was becoming more like her mother in law.always complaining here and there about things.when i answered back she was furious.I really didnt like the situation at just one point i just kept quiet.Why does this always happen? i always end up in this situation with mother. I dont mean to hurt her feelings but sometimes i couldnt stand it anymore.Why she couldnt be more like father.Reasonable and just.Well deep down i am sorry that i have caused so much arguments.I dont understand why with my family i am like this but not with friends.