in 2009.

Well today's the last day for 2009.i figured i write something about what i go through this year be it good or bad times.Overall i could say that 2009 has been an alright year but it has a bitter end.

in 2009

I met tonnes of bands like misery signals,parkway drive, have heart,etc
I had a car accident in my campus
I learned a lot of new things
I started to fall apart with my friends
I developed a minor split personality
I started a new project band
I had many bruises because of skateboarding
I had a stitched chin
I lost my guitar at the have heart show
I bought a new guitar
I thought i had found love, instead i was heartbroken
I made new friends
I made a new extended family member.
I started flunking in my studies
I started to sink further than i was before
I started losing myself in ways that i could imagine
I accidentally ran over a cat.
I started to fall out with a friend who i was friends with for nearly 7 years now
I started to look more ill
I started to suffer from my own depression
I started to think that im losing it
I started to lose trust in people
I reconnected with some people in the past
I thought about death a lot
I argued again with my Dad
I feel leftout hanging out with the usual guys
I'm patching things up with the family.

so im moving on from 2009 but ill savor the good memories.hello 2010, i wish you treat me well this year.

Letters to god

caught off guard
all worked up
the air is as dark and cold as night
let me go
i'm not done
i swear i'll take this one lifetime

i won't lie
i won't sin
maybe i don't wanna go
can't you wait
maybe i don't wanna go

Falling

I'm sinking lower than i would ever imagine
trying to hold on to what's left of what i believe
I tried to seek salvation
Instead I drown in my own pool of confusion
So grab my hands now and lead me out
before i fall even further into this depth of failure
Please God help me,
Cause I don't know what happened
or what I've become.
All i know is that I'm sinking
into this sea of misery.
No more trusting, just forgiving.

Rites of spring

I was locked all day in the summer heat
In a small brown house in Suburban Street
With a skateboard and my shit guitar
I'd dream all day that they would get me far
The summers gone, the years have passed
My friends have changed, a few did last
The smallest dreams got pushed aside
The largest ones that changed my life

If I had a chance for another try
I wouldn’t change a thing
It's made me all of who I am inside
And if I could thank god
That I am here, and that I am alive
And everyday I wake
I tell myself a little harmless lie
The whole wide world is mine

Random Thoughts

Herm..what can i say.so many things have happened.time flies by so fast and its nearly the end of the year now. I could see that my life is somewhat making a turn now. things have gotten worse these days hell i dont even know what to say or do anymore. It seems like the ride im taking in my life now is crashing down real bad. Sometimes i give up hope and feel like disappearing but somehow i still feel that this i gotta face this shit. I guess this is life whether i like it or not i have to face it alone.

a great way to end the week

its been so ages since my last entry,herm... what can i say.probably ive grown tired of writing things that occurs in my life but since this week was something special i thought id write something.let's see on 9/9/9 i accidentally drove over a cat which i didn't know apparently to be under my tyre.I feel seriously guilty :( not only because i love animals but i also i was shocked due to that incident. i wanted to bury it but it was gone when i came back from class.i am seriously sorry.i wish i could turn back the time.The next day, everything was going well, i finally went for a fast-breaking session with ex house mate Louis and sent him home back to his brother's house. That night, i waited for the guys to message me for the new band rehearsals.but i guess it was canceled since no one responded.Argh! damn phone credits.so i decided to go skating since Arie messaged me. Its been really ages since we skate at the park. Met up with a few friends at the park and just decided to skate for hours until a tragedy happens. As i was sliding down from the cement platform into the bowl i collided with another dude in resulting to a serious bail. my deck collided with the Bunkface dude's deck and i was thrown off hitting my chin on the ground and grazing it on the cement.As i opened my eyes to this unbearable pain, i noticed that blood was gushing out my face dripping to the ground.I spat to see if it were my lips but only saliva that came out.then i heard someone saying that my chin was ripped.The dude who i collided with apologized and brought me to aid.he offered water to drink and to wash the blood, so i did. i took of my shirt and head straight to the clinic. Arie rushed me to the nearby clinic with some friends.i had a face towel that i wrapped on the bottom part of my face to stop more blood from coming out. as i came in few complications happened, the doctor said that my wounds were deep.so we rushed to the hospital in Klang. We went in and waited for hours since its a government hospital.how effecient.lol. It was finally my turn, i went in told the doctor what happened.she purposedly stuck her finger in my wound to see how deep it was.i was in agonizing pain.F***!.blood was dripping out i took the towel and dabbed it.so i went for an X ray check to see if my jaws were dislocated.Thank god it wasnt. I then got a few injections on my body before the procedure.Later on i was sent to this surgery department to sew my chin.i even managed to take few pictures during my surgery.lol.it was gory.they had given me few local anaesthetics( i dont know how to spell this) injections on my chin.goddamn it was painful.they sew my chin and i felt as if i was an experiment to them or Frankenstein even.haha.i bared the pain for a moment. this is the first time ive gotten such injury.after all that was done. we went back skating at the park :P.my jaws were pretty swollen so its kinda hard to bite or chew on foods but thank god im still alive :) this is the kind of thing you never expected to happen one week before Eid festival.lol. ill upload some pictures when i transfer it from my mobile.

Empty

I seriously have nothing to talk about these days.lol.it's not that i've been doing nothing its just that im not bothered to write much these days.well,hope the mood will all come again soon :)

hannah hold on

I never asked to be sorry
If its over its over for sure
I don't regret that I didn't want to
Remember what all this was for

So this is all we can do
What news is in store
How come starting over
Would be frowned on anymore

Hannah hold on
Hannah hold on
Its all been said
Its all been done

I never witnessed bitter like this
I think i've been shot in cold blood
You won't admit it and I won't be around
Just so I hear the applause

This isn't all we can do
When in doubt should move on
No need to sort it all out
By the time you read this i'll be gone

shatters

today it stroke..all nightmares are coming true..all those paranoias was actually an epiphany to me. i guess those insecure hauntings were actually a call for this.all those nights of not sleeping well.and i was shattered, i was broken, i was left behind....i was left behind... toyed,broken and obsolete..lied to...betrayed..fading away

This chapter so far..

Hermm its been two weeks since my last entry.it's not that i dont want to write.but i am just preoccupied at times and sometimes so many things have passed that i forgot to write one single entry.lol.anyways, I went to see her at her place in JB yesterday.started the trip on friday night along with my housemate blur and his gf diba.the trip was alright.it wasnt too tiring.when i arrived there.called up this bloke.he offered for a place to stay in his guesthouse.friendly.lol.the next day went to pick her up.was lost trying to find our way tho but then i remembered it again.lol.went out for lunch with her, went to watch public enemies with her and her friends, had dinner with her and sent her back home. I also went home last night.3 hours of driving.it wasnt so tiring too on the way back.Btw theres a Carpathian show today in MCPA.i'll be leaving soon to see them perform. Kenet told me to pick them up from LCCT but i called him and he's not picking up either.Those australian guys are whack.especially martin tho.lol.picked them up last monday and hang around with them in putrajaya.

it's been a while.

It's been awhile since i wrote my last entry.Things have been good at the moment. I didnt do much tho but it seems i spent my time doing the stuff i usually do with friends and family.College is alright, but im flunking on one subject tho.its all because my lack of attendance as usual.damnit.im trying to cut that behaviour for good.Last two weeks i spend time with my brother and his friend walking around in sg.actually went for a shopping trip.lol.Just of last week i went to JB to meet someone and also i had to session guitars for burnout on last sunday.It was great.the trip was fun and worthwile.it's the first time i ever drive alone there and go back on my own too.lol.well,im still glad be alive today.things are making a good turn for me so far.

New age,new beginnings.

So i reached my legal age yesterday on june 12th. Finally im 21.lol.It was awesome tho this year.I never expected that i would be this satisfied.Started the morning on 00:00 hours at some mamak stall, was hangin out having my really late dinner and suddenly i received a phone call from momo.she wished me happy birthday in japanese.wth.but i was grateful.lol. A few more friends called in or texted me.My housemate Blur even called and sang happy birthday with his gf.haha.ill definitely remember that one bro.lol. Later on Andrew called, asked me to come over his place.we hung out for a bit. It was 1.30 am and i had to go for a jamm session with han,penyu and wan.did our own numbers.lol.i reckon it was like one of the best jamming session i ever had. i dont know why but it felt euphoric.lol.after that i hung out with them until 5 or 6 in the morning and went home for sleep.I woke up later on at 9 or 10 am and went online for a while getting text messages,phone calls, comments on fb and myspace.thanks guys.i really do appreciate it. In the afternoon my brother brought me to KL and bought me a shirt.Arie and Syasha bought me a wallet.My parents gave me some cash to spend on.Hermm i guess i never really get gifts on my bday so i was rather satisfied.Everything felt great :) I even called some people on my phone list because i have free voice calls but i dont really know who to call or talk to. In the evening about 9 , i went for a dinner with my mom and sis outside. Later on, arie texted me to go skating at sect 13 in Shah Alam. So i ended the day with some skateboarding, it was awesome. I got to do a new a trick called "rock n roll".lol. Hungout with Alien and Arie there to wrap things up.All i can say it was a satisfying day for me and i would like to thank my friends and acquaintances for wishing me :)

New Semester,new beginning

Well i just started class on monday,everything is good as usual.A fresh start for me this sem.Classes are only on Monday till Wednesday.Me and a few friends are selling t shirts for the faculty.This is the first time i ever designed for my faculty.Progress is great.Loads of respond from the kids.This time i will get even back with my pointer..lol. I've not been feeling well these days.I feel groggy and dizzy everyday.took panadols and painkillers but it hardly works.i sure do hope that i will get well soon enough.

Dumbshit started happening.

Just as i thought i already lost a guitar last week,now came this, i dont know how i finally managed to drop my pointer a lot on my exam results.i got an embarrasing 2.91 for my gpa and 3.15 for my Cgpa.This is dumb.this shit is dumb.how could i possibly get a D for my instructional communication subject.Now im regretting things.Im saying things beginning with I shouldve .I shouldve attended a whole lot more of classes, i shouldve studied instead of lazying around.i shouldve done more assignments,i shouldve been myself! This shit is just dumb and unacceptable. I'll make sure i'll get back in the game for the upcoming 3 sems. I dont wanna graduate with shit results

Goodbye

Goodbye to my dearest friend,companion,axe,instrument. Epiphone Les Paul, i hope you rest in peace in your hardcase coffin along with your friend digitech grunge pedal.so long.thanks for serving me all this while.youve been a great guitar to me.i'll always remember you.

Facebook

I was online and randomly chatting with kei yasui from Have Heart

Nik:hey dude

Kei:yo whats up man

Nik:ill upload the videos soon enough yo

Kei:awesome let me know when you do

Nik:k man.btw i lost my guitar at your show fuck it man..left it backstage someone mustve taken it

Kei:damnnn.thats happeend to me before

Nik:i know...its really sad.i lost my fav Epiphone les paul along with its hardcase and my digitech grunge effect pedal

Kei:damn dude

Nik:hey hows singapore?

Kei:singapore was amazing

Nik:told ya.hahaha.sorry i didnt get a chance to do the interview with you the other day

Kei:oh its cool man

Nik:i managed with pat and champ and then ryan hudon and briggs came along.cool2

Kei:its cool, i was sick anyway

Nik:hey it was super fun to have you guys down here

Kei:not feeling very good

Nik:oh could tell your face was a bit pale.that day.lol.hows aussie?awesome i presume?

Kei:yes.its very similar to america

Nik:lol.nice then.wheres pat,champ and the rest?

Kei:sleeping

Nik:cool.arent u sleepy yet?after all those shows

Kei:yeah pretty tired

Nik:hahaha i would guess.if its me id probably fainted or something.everyday playing shows.lol.

Kei:haha yeah

Kei: alright man, im going to bed, later

Nik:ok mann.keep in touch.send my regards to the rest

Have Heart show 16/5/09

This show is kind of fun yet bitter for me.I borrowed my brother's dv cam to record the live show and ofcourse Have heart's set.The show kicked off about 3pm.The first band for the show is Ana four craig.they did alright.i didnt really know any of their songs tho.After that was Elegy.Elegy had this great energy performance in their set.as usual they did a cover of zombie autopilot from Unearth.They were'nt half bad. The next up was Escape, now this band has got a real great live energy on stage.The crowds was singing along to the songs.I took videos of some of their set.They did a cover of Bane's swan song.i took the melodic vocal part but the mic wasnt on.damn, made a fool of myself again.lol.

Next up was Break Even from Australia.This band was a fun and energetic band.they did some numbers like run for your life.theyre awesome.Avalon's whisper and Restraint was next, although i didnt had the chance to checkout their performance but im sure they did great as always.Burgerkill was after that, their set was energetic and soul, it was a metalhead set on a hardcore show it was fucking awesome.they played Atur aku and that song was great as ever.

The next up was Kids on the Move.They have just released their full length album entitled Changes. They did an awesome set,amazing performances and showmanship and the crowd was going wild, everyone was stage diving,moshing on the stage, infact some of the kids were on the stage going crazy like hell.i enjoyed it pretty much.Kudos to them

The final set of the day comes from the legendary Hardcore band from Boston,massachusettes. Have Heart finally took over the night.It's Pat flynn's world and everyone was living in it.hahaha.
The kids was going crazy when they got on stage, especially when Pat flynn did. They are using this guy called Champ on drums,he's a drummer for a band called Foundation from Atlanta. Apparently Shawn Costa was playing Verse's last show in the states.They was amazing awesome.Finally i got to meet one of the band that is legendary to me. i couldnt believe it, have heart was infront of me performing. They did numbers like Something more than ink,armed with a mind, lionheart, boston, hardbark on the family tree and more. The kids was wayyy crazy they was stage diving,singing a long side with pat flynn, i could see that pat flynn was really exhausted and all the kids wanted to sing along with him and grabbing his neck.lol.After the show was ever, i managed to chat quite a lot with the guys from HH.They was friendly as ever, as if we were old friends.hahaha.I chatted a lot with ryan hudon and champ(i think that was his name) who was replacing shawn costa on this tour.they were really nice we talked about lot of stuff from straight edge and stuff or even about what they think of the asian tour.They were pretty awesome.Pat flynn was a real nice guy.I even did a small interview with those guys. Ill post it on soon enough. I even exchanged email with Ryan Hudon and Champ Hammett.

After that i drove Joe home.when i arrived in Shah Alam i just got to realize that my guitar was missing.fuck it!.i thought my friend had it.and he thought that i had it.it was a clear miscommunication.the guitar was at the backstage of the show and i didnt realize it.i was too busy talking to Have Heart.Damn it was devastating.I sure hope i'll get it back.

Looking for Missing Guitar!

I lost my guitar at the have heart show in MCPA today on 16th May 2009,apparently i left it backstage and forgot about it because i tought a friend had taken it:

Epiphone Les paul-black finish
A levy strap with holes
Epiphone Hardcase with random stickers
Digitech Grunge effect
a yellow coloured guitar cable

anyone who found it please,please,please contact me.
nik hanif-0176296737
:(

Dear Friend

Dear Friend,

I do hope that you are alright now.I'm writing this to wish you good luck on your operation.
I hope that you'll live to see the day bro.I'll pray for your safety and well being. Try not to think so much about her man. I think its great if you relax and you smile a little. I couldnt imagine the pain you through physically and emotionally but i do know youre doing the right thing.Dont worry i'll help to ease your burden a bit because you've always been a good friend to me and help me out with a lot of shit that ive been through.I missed hanging out with you man and hope that you'll survive so that when you comeback we could hangout again like we used to.You've always been a friend and a brother to me.Hold on bro, i know you'll survive the pain.

in pain

Im suffering from mouth ulcers for over a week now.damn.i couldnt speak properly or even eat properly without having to feel the pain in my mouth.it hurts really bad.Anyway ive been working with my brother this holiday doing videography.We're covering videos and photos for this company called Chulan Woodworks.We had to travel to this factory in Rawang on some days.It was alright.Felt like free money sometimes.lol.I havnt done much this semester break apart from sitting at home,go online or hangout with Rizan and Hazim.Oh btw,last week my pc was corrupted and some of the datas were lost.dammit!!!.but thank god most of the files were recovered.I've got more works to cover in the coming week. I cant wait for Have heart this weekend!

freeze the moment

Have you ever loved someone so much,you'd give an arm for
not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
when they know they're you're heart
and you know you're their armour
and you will destroy anyone who would harm try to harm her

Updates updates

Its been ages since my last entry.thats because ive been busy with my final exams.studying last minute not sleeping until my paper.damn it was tiring like fuck.Anyways ive got a new housemate now.He's called hafiz a.k.a joe, quite a nice guy.Has the same interests as me.I bid him welcome to our house.As of now, ive just finished my final exams and i am on holiday.Got shitload of stuff to do this term break and slightly cooling off from the pressure bullshit.well i guess this is growing up. I want to say goodluck for a friend who's battling a disease which i think might be brain cancer.I hope you survive bro.hold on to your faith to god.I wish you well.

something new

I've been watching this new sitcom,well its not actually that new but ive just been watching it and i totally like it!.It started off with a narrative voice telling a series of story to his two children on how he met their mother. The guy Ted Mosby which is the lead character tells his two children how he lived his life in the past in pursue of finding his spouse. I personally like this character called Barney" which is played by Neil Patrick Harris because he's just humorous.The sitcom is just great!

Have Heart live in Malaysia!

Again, i would quote.The band that made me want to stay hardcore, is finally coming to town next month!F*** im excited.

updates

Final exams is next sunday.hermm i havent started revising yet.i'll get around to it this week.Last saturday, DT was supposed to have a show in Melaka but it got cancelled, so Rizan,Hazim and I went to the place anyways.The show was alright.Met some friends.Chill out with them until its 4am and i didnt realize it.Drove home that morning and arrived at 6am in puchong.Man, i was so sleepy along the way but i had to drive anyway.The week turned out alright for me :)

The letter R in Friends is overrated.

Im on the verge of losing it
I dont need anyone to share this catastrophe that i'm in
I'm a man, i can stand on my own feet
I can see faces fading away now
The ones ive known for years
the ones that have been close with me
now are as apart as ever
what ever happened to forever.
what ever happened to having each other's back
what ever happened to the years we spent with each other
now i could really see our true colours
i dont know,maybe i'm just being paranoid
but i have never been wrong in this kind of shit
havent you wondered, we dont even talk to each other anymore at times
I tried my best, i tried giving effort to care about you people
but what i have in return is just bullshit
I just dont give a fuck anymore..

Consider this

God im in such a stress. I just feel like disappearing. Disappear for six months or more. I wish im gone for the moment.I wish im not here. I wish im at another place, gone and untracable. Im just too depressed to go on sometimes and i dont even know why. Call me lunatic or crazy, i dont care. I just want to get away with all life's problem for now. Criticize me, talk shit or put me down. I just don't give a fuck anymore. One day i will leave this world.

I'm losing it!

Final exams is less than two weeks but still i havnt solved my problems yet. I am stressed, aggrevated by the fact that i havent settled my debts with the financial department as a result of still not getting the exam slip.I still havent done my final assignment project.I still havent catch up on my studies. I am falling fast. I am slipping. I am flunking and the worst part is i cant hold myself together.arrrrrghhh!! i feel like im in self destruction mode. Faces have come and gone too. Things were not as they used to. Just when i need people around me they arent there. I feel like disappearing and fading away. This is just an introduction to harsh reality.fuck it!Somebody please give me a straight jacket, tie me up, throw me into a dark room and take the keys away.

random toughts

me the disfigured bastard

Have Heart coming soon!

One of the bands that made me wanna stay hardcore.One of my favourite band is finally coming here.

The week end story

The last two days have been such a tiring day for me. I did a part time at this FnB company.I had to sell foods at a kiosk in the F1 Sepang Circuit.This is the first time i have to work at such place and the job was new to me.We started as early as 7 or 8 in the morning and finish at 7.00 pm in the evening.I was in charge of handling the foods in the kitchen.We had to sell hotdogs and beverages on our kiosks.Lol.a vegan selling hotdogs.nvm.The first day me,arie,louis,momo,suqon and kenet had left from S.alam to Sepang and arrived there at 10am.We parked our car and registered ourselves at the counter, took a set of work t shirts and went to our kiosks. I met some colleagues who were nice and hardworking.I worked hard that day tho and whoah it was a challenge.When rush hour comes we have to double our effort.The place was filled with customers who are willing to pay an expensive amount of price for an unreasonable set of food.Capitalists.I did have a chance to see a bit of the race.It was noisy like hell but thrilling. The second day was the same but the queue of the customers was hell as i worked at both departments; kitchen and the front counter.The cleaning part was tiring like crap and the payment was only 80 per day.it wasnt worth it so we made our own "profit".hahahaha(evil laugh).After the job was done,Kenet and i went to the jamiroquai after party.I sold some of the drinking water stock and made some quick bucks.hahaha.saw some familiar faces too.lol.The concert was nice but im not used to the different set of crowds.we waited to collect our payment until 11 or 12 if im not mistaken.All and all it was quite an experience.

The progress of life

Louis and Adly had just moved out from our place in Sect 7,Shah alam.So theres only three of us left Arie,Me and Blur.My friend Iqbal is replacing louis and is going to be my new roomate.Final exams is just around the corner but still i havent studied a thing yet.Fees yet to be paid.i still got to clear my outstanding balance of 1k+.Now where the hell am i going to get such money.hermm ill be working tomorrow so that should cover some of the fees.Stress,stress, stress again.Things are yet to get harder for me.Damn.

DT's Singapore Show

Dick Fuckin Tracy yo!
Misery Signals!

On the way home

Waiting for the bus

On our way to the venue

Me with Stuart Ross
Rizan and Tom

Me with Karl Schubach

Daryll Me and Rizan

Poster signed by misery signals

Its been awhile since my last post.As of now, im gonna post about my trip to singapore with Dick Tracy.We left from KL to JB on last Saturday morning at 3.00 am.We went there with two cars, mine and tom's.I drove first until senawang's RnR because i was to sleepy then to drive and later on Zam took over. After that i took over again at some other stop which i cant remember. So we arrived in JB at 800 in the morning. We were pretty tired then. Took our stuff and head to our friend's place which i didnt know who back then.lol.but we already did later on.anyways i didnt get any sleep at all because we were too busy making jokes that morning.So later on i took asleep in the bus which i couldnt have much.lol. Finally we arrived in Singapore. The walking part and taking public transport was the most tiring part with carrying our bags and equipments. Finally we arrived at Mountbatten community centre. My first tought was" is this the right place?" because its a community centre filled with kids running around.Then we went up to the hall and i am dead sure this is the place.The first thing i saw was Misery Signals setting up for their soundcehck.I was like whoahh.this is awesome.We went backstage to put our things back there. I was relieved to have something to drink because i was dead thirsty.After we settled in, Hereafter and grace is gone came to prepare for their show.It was the second time i saw them now.Anyways long story short, that evening was amazing. Dick Tracy performed well and had some positive feedbacks from the people there.We even got a poster signed by misery signals.I had the chance to take a picture with them. Singapore was just the best. all the bands like Hereafter,Grace is gone, For better endings and Vermillion had a great set that evening.Cameron of hereafter was the most friendly dude that evening.He came up to us and gave some compliments.lol.As for Misery Signals, I was amazed to watch them performed live. I never tought that i would be sharing the same stage and talking to the guys of misery signals, stuart ross was the most friendliest in misery signals, we chatted for a bit at the backstage.They played a whole set that evening but we only managed to watch 4 songs only as we had to go back to JB. But i managed to catch them back live in KL.All and all it was such a good trip and i really enjoyed it.Kudos to lynn for providing us a place to stay.Rizan and I had the same jokes from JB to KL.it was hilarious like hell.hahaha.kudos to ema and dokna for the photos

The Comeback

Damn.Its been two weeks or so since my last entry.Life is as usual as it gets.always with the ups and downs.Had my mid term break last week but i didnt do anything much in particular.Last tuesday on 3rd march was Arie's birthday.We did a surprise for him.bought him 20 choc balls for his 2oth birthday.I even got him a card.thats a first time i ever bought anyone a card i think.Well everything was alright that night but the timing was off schedule.We had fun anyways.Yesterday after coming back from Shah Alam we went skating at putrajaya.There's a new skate park there. It's like 90% bowls and pools there but a great place to cruise the deck since im not good at any tricks at all.lol.I even fell at one point and got a red bruise mark on my shoulder plus my legs are aching like hell.Despite all that i still couldnt sleep last night and went skating again at Section 13 skate park this morning by myself.Anyways the good news is that ticket for Misery Signals is now available and im selling it.Dick Tracy is going to be an opening act for Misery Signals in Singapore.Im going there as well since i'll be doing the samples for them.Kudos to Dick Tracy.

some better days

bruises,wounds,cuts..all the things that i have to endure as ive started a new hobby that i've been meaning to for the last few years.So far im getting the hang of balancing my body on the deck,still learning the basic trick which i cant really get a hang to it.its pretty tiring but kills the time,plus the kids who skate back then started skating again now.Basically this is my daily routine.hahaha.i feel like i'm 15 again.the last time i skate was back when i was in form 2.btw it really hurts when i take a shower.

Insignificant

Last time everything seemed so different
Everything seemed so carefree as if there existed no problem
Things were much simpler back then.
I never tought things end up this way.
Its a lot different these days
It seems that I'm the only one making the effort
I felt as if ive pushed my effort too much
What ever happened?
Why do i find myself in this kind of situation?
Sometimes i feel like disappearing
or just fade away without a trace

Next in line!

Misery signals live in Malaysia!29th march 2009..RM40 presale rm 50 door tickets.Get your presales from me.Finally one of the bands that influenced me to be in the hardcore scene is performing here! I am so excited!

Parkway drive live in Malaysia

This has been one of the best hardcore event that i attended.A lot of people attended the show until the tickets has to be limited to only 700-800 people.Ijam from restraint was the mc for the show.The show kicked off at 2pm with Dead Eyes Glow for the opening band.The next band was up was black territory they put on a good show.The next band after that was Kids On The Move.Good set,good sound and awesome showmanships! They did the usual cover of Have heart's armed with a mind.Apparently they have a new member on bass which Syahmi from SB.The hall was packed with a lot of people and it was getting hot.The next band performing was Incarnation and after that was Asthalin.Deadscore was pretty amazing,even did a cover of xAFBx's trust and believe as usual.Cassandra was pretty awesome.they played new numbers.very technical.I was with Adam from summerstorm arts when Cassandra performed.Later on was Dashown.The final set was Parkway Drive.It was too much of a heat to watch them all through the way so the crowd take turns to see their performances.They did a lot of numbers from the old album killing with a smile until horizons.Boneyard was one of them.Pretty amazing band with killer showmanships.Australian hardcore never fails to deliver.The vocalist Winston even made the crowd mosh.haha he gave the compliment of saying that this is by far the hottest show but the best they played in their SEA tour.f**kin awesome.I even had the chance to talk to one of the guys from resist records.We were talking about loads of australian hc bands like IKTPQ,50 lions,deez nuts and confessions.Apparently he was JJ's roommate.All and all this has been one of the best show ive been to.Ceasefire organized a good and organized event.The show finished off early about 8.30 or 9pm.

waiting for dissapointment

I've been waiting for a long time.anticipating the day that ptptn would bank in the money for this semester.One morning,a class was cancelled so we went to some restaurant nearby my place in S.alam for breakfast.Later on a friend informed me that the money has already been banked in.I was like wtf!! im so happy.So there i was, starting my car engine and drove off straight away to Esso nearby my place, went to the atm machine, inserted my bank card,key-ed in the pin number and there you go....RM 300.44....i was like........"What the Faaaaaaaaaaark"..i tought its supposed to be 3000++..I told my friends about it,they went to check it straight away..Arab's was lucky..he got 1000+..cwoo got 500+ but bilal on the other hand..hahahha rm 12.00.hahahhah what the hell.so unlucky of him.

I was really pissed off.so i decided to go to bank islam with Mira.I checked the bank statement.my fees costs me 3200 this sem but unisel took 3700 from my account.fuck it!..Mira was unlucky she didnt get her ptptn money.The beacon of hope for students to be happy had crumbled into pieces.hahaha.unisel is really fucked up place when it comes to money.herrm i was dissapointed that day.Goodbye to buying new macbeth shoes, new hoodies, new everything.i have to pay my debts to my mother too.fuckk it!.but to hell with it.im still going to get my new deck soon.btw i checked my bank statement and yes they have deducted the outstanding balance.

Frisky business

This is one of my favourite number from a hc punk band called daggermouth.This song is dedicated to you mother.I am sorry for all the pain and arguments i have caused you.I've been meaning to say sorry to you but i didnt have the courage to.

I feel like I need to apologise
For all the pain I've caused you guys
I never even tried to make it right
It seems that all we do is fight
Maybe one day this will change, a family again

I was responsible
For your breakdown and all the hospital calls
It's so hard seeing someone that you love
Fall apart before your eyes when you can't help them get back up

So I'm passing this along
To tell you I'm sorry
For everything I've done
Maybe some day I might be able to tell you this
Without having to hide it in the lyrics of a song

I held you in my arms as you cried
Then you looked at me and said Nick I want to die
Well these arn't the words a son's supposed to hear
From his own mother because deep down she thinks I never cared

You were always there for me I know
And I believe you when you say it's hard to let go
Hard to let go of me
Watching me self destruct with such ease
Depression is the cause this sick disease is killing me
Disease is killing me

So let's let by gones be
And no matter what happens I know you'll love me
And that's all I need
So I'm passing this along
To tell you I'm sorry for everything I've done
Maybe some day I might be able to tell you this
Without having to hide it in the lyrics of a song

family gathering to a family feud

Last night i went to my aunt's place in semenyih for a family gathering due to my cousin's wedding.hermm it was rather distressing as i couldnt find my way to their place.I was with my mom.we got lost for a few times.it was rather depressing for me.i couldnt help it anymore with using profanities.It made me feel like i'm in a deep rage.i know its not neccessary but i just couldnt help it anymore plus i dont even have a day's sleep.Mother weren't really helping with the directions apart from one time instead she nagged at the situation plus my uncle gave us a wrong direction and the place was dark which made me even more depressed.When we arrived i said i didnt want to go out and my mother really did gave me a good smack on the face.Wow! i just couldnt take it anymore, mother got out of the car.I slammed the door and stayed outside besides the car for a while to calm me. I then finally had the courage to go inside but i was disheartened by the look of some uncles when i was greeting them. I went inside and headed straight to the back door of the house, opened the window and calmed myself down.I turned on the tap to wash my face.I couldnt hold the rage back anymore so i broke down in tears.Again i know it doesnt make sense for me to be rage for such stupid reason.The tense and the negative feeling was too much when i was driving.Man, i haven't felt like that or shed in tears for a few years now. That made me feel like i am 15 again.i remember the days when i was a confused teenager angry at my parents.haha how dumb was i.Later on my cousin who just got married that morning came up to me and calmed down.I realised something then, despite of what people been saying about her she is a really nice person. I was calmed down but felt embarrased with other people.So we catched up on old times because its been ages since i saw some of my cousins.When i went back everything was a lot better until i took on a different direction again which made my mother nagged on and on which made me feel stressful again.I didnt mean to react back or answer back but i just couldnt take it anymore.She was becoming more like her mother in law.always complaining here and there about things.when i answered back she was furious.I really didnt like the situation at just one point i just kept quiet.Why does this always happen? i always end up in this situation with mother. I dont mean to hurt her feelings but sometimes i couldnt stand it anymore.Why she couldnt be more like father.Reasonable and just.Well deep down i am sorry that i have caused so much arguments.I dont understand why with my family i am like this but not with friends.

See you next...Tuesday

Its been a day since i wreck my car.tormenting me thinking about the rm350 repair cost that flew away just like that.Herm well as of the result of last night, i didnt have the mood to go to morning class i even skipped class yesterday,went in just to submit my assignment.Well i did go to class in the afternoon.I had to go back home to puchong today as i have to send my brother and dad to the airport.Apparently they are leaving for the UK.My dad has an outstation work there with one of his clients and so's my brother but he's doing photography there.hermm isnt that cool..i wish i could go and meet my long lost friends there back in York.

Arie sent me home at 6pm. I had to cover the car wreck story from my father otherwise he'll end up being angry so i told him my car had some repairing to do regarding of the windows.haha.I sent them to the airport at 11pm.My brothers going there for nearly a month.So after sending them i head back to puchong with my mom.As i was driving i told my mother of what happend.She said she was going to tell it to my dad and i was like ".aaaa." nvm then.its her decision.So tomorrow i am going to pick up my car at the workshop.

i used to hate cell phones, now i hate car accidents

Last week was the second week of this new term. Last Sunday was the night i head home to Shah alam. I got a call from louis saying that he and kenet missed the last train to Shah alam. I picked them up at Kl central at midnight, went for a lepak session with them in hakim seksyen 7 and sent kenet home. I was tired but i didnt finish off my assignment yet so i get a hold of myself and did all the work. The next morning i was late to go to my Effective Speaking class, just when i have arrived there my classmates got out."Damn!i shouldve slept longer" as i tought to myself.

Then i reversed my car,stayed on the right side of the lane and i glanced at some of my classmates sitting at the benches of"rumah hijau"(a shed infront of the college carpark). As i was looking, i couldnt help noticing that my car was still moving but very2 slow, as if i was strolling. When i looked back to my windshield, BANG! another kancil hit the left side of my car.arggh! i was frustrated like mad. Everyone was looking like there was a tragedy going on.oooh shit" the words came out of my mouth as i was looking at my front bumper and the left side mudguard.The mudguard was damaged badly and so did the bumper. Hermm. i was so upset i even held my hands on my head. i was speechless. the girl who was a sem 2 art and design student looked at me and said"sori bang,silau.."and i was like"............."nothing to say or do. we parked at the parking lot and settled the matter.one of her friend intervened when i asked the owner about her car having insured.She simply made an assumption of me wanting to claim from her car.I was like wtf! i said.."chill..did you hear that kind of thing coming out of my mouth..dont just jump to conclusions!"So later on few of my friends had a good look of whats going on and try to settle this thing.I settled it there with the owner.

We agreed on paying on our own car. She said that i was staying on the wrong side but i said she was driving carelessly.Well, then she said that the fault was on us.Well..i had to agree partially it was my fault but then again..the fault was more on her.dammit..her car ended up pretty bad even worse than mine.I didnt think it was worth the trouble to go the cops otherwise we'll be charged more.She's still on P" and my license had expired i havnt had time to renew it yet. I mean it'll be a lot harder if we do it the legal way plus the damage wasnt worth it to claim for the insurance.Well, let it be then.

I met uchan and imran and brought them to one of the car workshops to see the damage of my car and how much it would cost to repair it back.Ahh damn its a new car not even a year yet since i bought it and now this shit happens! Later on in the evening we went to TTDI jaya to send my car.Costed me 350 to repair those shit! argggh im so frickin pissed off that day.What a day im having!

Misery Signals in Malaysia

I cant believe it.One of my favourite band Misery Signals are actually hitting KL in the end of march.Misery Signals is a metalcore band formed in Wisconsin in 2002.Their music is defined by their chugging riffs, odd time breakdowns and melancholic melodies.Check out their music on www.myspace.com/miserysignals

holocaust

Why does it have to be this way?why does things have to be unfair for these people?does massacre of thousands really satisfy the false idols?the propaganda claims to be fighting against terrorism.It is the Zionist who are the terrorist.Corrupted minds that leads corrupted government. These false idols that lives with their guilty conscience knows that this is a holocaust.

Was this all really worth it? why do these men,women and children had to suffer?All this carnage for your so called revolution?these are the lies that led them to death.this is a neo-colonisme.the zionist are like neo-nazis

New Term

Its a new semester,new year,new beginnings,whatever.Now the classes started already,this semester classes are boring as ever especially when you have to wake up at 8.00 every single morning to have class at 8.30 til 4.00 most of the days.I got back to my place in Shah Alam last tuesday.Everything seems..quiet i suppose.The first class i had on Wednesday was awesomely boring.the weren't too bad tho.but apparently i missed two classes again.dammit.anyway i had been watching movies in two consecutive nights.I watched yes man with adly,blur and diba on wednesday night and the following night watching bedtime stories with zaid,mira,blur and diba.herrmm it was rather spontaneous because that evening i asked zaid if he wants to check out some macbeth shoes in 27th heaven.Anyway the week ended well tho.it wasnt as bad as i tought it would be

Mistake!

I logged in my myspace account for just a moment then i noticed i got a new message, i clicked the message icon and guess what did i see?there were two new messages from this guy.the first one said
" ur hot i love the profile pic !!!!!! can we be friends???? im from ny "

i was like wtf!hahahahha is this dude gay
and the second one is a contrary to the first

"disregard that first message dude i thought u were a chick man....that pic looks like a woman .......sorry"

hahahahahha lmao this is fuckin hilarious